


Thirteen Reasons Why- Julian

by WolfKomoki



Series: Thirteen reasons why [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-02-12 23:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12970899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: After Barry Allen's suicide, thirteen cassette tapes arrive in Julian's mailbox.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Flash is owned by The CW. Thirteen Reasons Why is owned by Jay Asher.

          Julian walks over to the mailbox of his flat, slowly opening it. Inside was a box addressed to him all the way from the United States. Curious as to what it could possibly contain, he walks inside his flat, and opens the box. Inside were thirteen cassette tapes, with each number written on the front and back of the tapes. The back of tape number thirteen was blank. Frowning, Julian goes into his room and grabs his dad’s old Walkman, a graduation present from back in the day. After putting on the headphones, he puts in the first tape.

 

Cassette 1: Side A

▶️

          “ _Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Barry Allen here, live and in stereo. No, wait, don’t adjust your… whatever you’re hearing this on. That’s right, it’s me. I hope you’re ready, because I’m about to tell you my life story, more specifically, why my life ended, and if you’re listening to these tapes, then you’re one of the reasons why.”_ Barry’s voice spoke on the tape. Barry’s voice was hollow, broken, lifeless, and Julian couldn’t press pause.

          “ _No, I won’t tell you what tape brings you into our lovely little story, that’s no fun. Instead, you get to hear the whole story. Don’t worry my little listener, if you received these tapes then your name will pop up, I promise. Now, why would a dead man lie? Aw, that sounds like a joke. Why would a dead man lie? Answer: because he can’t stand up. It’s okay, you can laugh. It was funny.”_ Julian shakes his head. _No, it wasn’t Allen._

          “ _Well, I thought it was funny. Of course, I wouldn’t have handed out these tapes without a little insurance. The rules are simple. First of all, you listen. Second of all, you pass it on. Neither of which, I imagine, will be easy for you. You might ask, why thirteen tapes?_

_They say there are thirteen sides to every story. When you’re done listening, make sure to be kind and rewind dear listener. After that, your job is to pass it onto the next person on this list. Oh, and number twelve? You can take this tape straight to hell. In case you’re thinking of breaking these rules, know that I did plan for that. I made a copy of these tapes to be handed out to a close friend of mine. Should any of you break these rules, these tapes will be released in a very public manner should it not make it through all thirteen of you. Now, with that out of the way, Cisco Ramon? Congratulations, you’re first on this list.”_ Julian listens to the tape in tears. How could he be a reason why Barry would take his own life? It’s not right.

          “ _Cisco Ramon, of all the people that I thought of for this list, your name was the first that popped into my head. I know what you’re thinking: Barry, what did I do? You know. You know damn well what you did. You might have remembered a while back, a little thing called Flashpoint?_

_When I ran back in time, my father had just been killed in front of me. I ran back in time and saved my mom, resulting in a new timeline known as Flashpoint. There I had my mom and dad back, until my memories started to get erased. I knew I couldn’t stay there, so I ran back. I had to watch Eobard kill my mother all over again, but did you care about that? No._

_You called me a terrible person for it. You called me a selfish person because I made one decision in a moment of grief. You called me selfish because I tried to get my family back. You even blamed me for Dante’s death, as if I had intentionally messed with the timeline to kill him. It was a fucking drunk driver that killed your brother, not me. I made a decision when I was grieving, but did you care about that? No. All you could do is tear me down everyday for a simple mistake._

_The thing about time travel is, time is able to be manipulated. You know you shouldn’t deviate from the timeline, but you were saving a life here, surely that was an okay reason for time travel? The thing about time travel is, the least little deviation can lead to a cataclysm, taking you, and the entire world with it. It’s a tempting thought, the thought of dying. What good was my life? I don’t have an answer to that._

_You know what really made my blood boil? Finding out about your little stunt. So, let me get this straight, it’s okay when you cause a butterfly effect, but when I cause a butterfly effect then I’m a terrible person? Fuck you Cisco. Well Cisco, that was your tape. Turn this tape over to find out why Wally is one of the reasons.”_ Julian turns the tape over. He needs to know more.

Cassette 1: Side B

▶️

 

_“Welcome back. Now, one of three things have happened: You’re Cisco, and you’ve turned these tapes in to the next person, or you’re Wally and you’re wondering why you’re on this tape, or you’re someone else, and you’re waiting for your tape. Your name is on here, I promise. Now, Wally West, it’s your turn._

_Now I know what you’re thinking: how could you be one of the reasons why? Well, sit down, because I’m about to take you on a journey. Remember when you first showed up? You thought that I thought that you were trying to take my family away from you. Did it ever occur to you that you were a stranger? That I didn’t know you from a stick in the ground?_

_How was I supposed to react when you showed up out of the blue? You were a stranger. All I ever wanted was to get to know you, but no, you accused me of trying to take your family. Well, guess what? They were my family first Wally.”_ Barry snaps.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

         " _You were a total stranger in my life. I'd gotten pretty used to Joe and Iris being there, and now here was this new member of the family that I didn't know yet. And when King Shark busted through our living room, and you called me a coward? Yeah, fuck you Wally. As far as you knew, I was an ordinary human being, not the Flash. What did you expect me to do anyway?_

_Yeah, you didn't know that I was the Flash, but if any normal human being saw a giant ass shark bust through their ceiling, they'd be hiding too. Oh, and let's not forget the day that you had the nerve to accuse me of trying to steal your family like I wasn't part of the family too._

_When I gave up my powers to save you, I thought that finally we could get along, and then you became Kid Flash. Why did you have to have a sibling rivalry with me? Why did you have to be so damn competitive? All I wanted to do was get to know you, and yet you didn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't expect you to cry for me, that would be a pipe dream. Shit, you're probably glad that I'm dead. Well, Wally West, that was your tape. Turn this tape over to find out why John Diggle is one of the reasons._ "

 

❚❚

 

         Julian listens to Wally's tape in shock. How could Barry hate his brother that much? It didn't make sense. Curious as to who was next, Julian puts in the next tape.

 

Cassette 2: Side A

 

▶️

 

" _I know it doesn't sound like it, but I really did love Wally West. He was the brother I never knew that I wanted, but this tape isn't about him. No, this tape is about John Diggle. Now John, I know what you're thinking: Barry, what did I do? Don't worry, I'm getting to that. Do you know what it's like to want to die? No? Well, I'm going to tell you._

_You wake up one day, and the first thought you have is: shit, I really wish I was dead. You know I've thought of every single scenario of how I was going to take my life? Yes, I've thought about it, and if these tapes go out, then obviously I actually did it at some point. Would you look at that? I'm rambling. So, yeah, John. You may have remembered a little incident a little while back known as the Dominators incident?_

_Remember when you found out that you had a daughter named Sara? You were so upset about a daughter that you had never met, and wouldn't remember. So, I just went back and changed things for the hell of it, huh? Did it ever occur to you that I had just lost my father? That I was grieving? That when I was in this new timeline I was losing my memories, and that I had to ask Eobard Thawne to kill my mother over again to reset the timeline? No, of course, you fucking didn't. You were too busy chastising me for a simple mistake. Turn this tape over to find out why the entire Legends team are one of the reasons._ "

 

Julian frowned when he listened to this tape. Barry had a point. Who cares about some random relative that he wouldn't remember? Sighing, he puts in the next tape.

 

Cassette 2: Side B

 

▶️

 

" _Welcome back. If you've made it to this side of the tape, then either your tape has already happened, or your tape hasn't happened yet, and you're eagerly awaiting to see what you did to cause me to take my life. Well, if you're the legends, then you've already heard a message from me. Well, my little Legends, you're hearing another tape from me. Like John, this tape is about the Dominators incident. So, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to go back in time and screw things up, but the second that I do that I'm the bad guy? Hypocrite much? Oh, and Sara? You're full of shit. You talk about how you know the implications of going back in time and changing things, and yet your team does it all the fucking time. Do me a favor, and shut the fuck up, all of you. Turn this tape over to find out why Joe West is one of the reasons._ "

 

❚❚

 

        

         Julian couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could detective West be one of the reasons? Joe had been nothing but kind to Barry, what could he have done to cause him to take his life?

 

 

Cassette 3: Side A

 

▶️

 

         " _Detective Joe West, what do people think of when they hear that name? A loving father, a devoted worker, a kind person. At least, that's what everyone else thinks. Do you remember when I was stabbed by Savitar? Because I do. I remember every agonizing second of it. I remember the blade shattering my clavicle, I remember the pain, I remember everything._

_I remember when I woke up you asked if Wally was in pain, but you didn't care if I was in pain. You didn't care that I was in pain. You couldn't lose Wally, but you could have lost me, and you didn't care. All you cared about was Wally, Wally, Wally. Guess I should've expected it though. After all, you did lock me in a cell when I was grieving not even a year ago. Well you didn't lose Wally, but you did lose me. I hope this was what you wanted Joe. Turn this tape over to find out why Iris West is one of the reasons_."

 

❚❚

 

Julian stares in shock. Did Barry really think that Joe cared for him that little? How can Iris be one of his reasons? What could she have done?

 

Cassette 3: Side B

 

▶️

 

" _How many of you remember what it's like to make a sacrifice?_ "

 

❚❚

 

Julian pauses the tape right there, tears pouring from his eyes. He can't hear any more of this, not tonight.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

         It's been three days since Julian stopped listening to those tapes. He's angry at Barry, angry that he didn't talk to someone before he took his own life. If he could, Julian would ask Barry why he didn't talk to someone before he jumped off that damn cliff. He sighs and grabs his Walkman. Time to listen to what Barry has to say.

 

▶️

 

" _How many of you remember what it's like to make a sacrifice? How many of you have made a sacrifice? Well, I did make a sacrifice. After Savitar was defeated, the speed force needed a prisoner to take his place, or the world would be destroyed. You didn't know this, but I've been feeling suicidal for a while now. When that opportunity popped up, I didn't even have to think twice as I sacrificed myself for the planet. I figured at least this way there would be some dignity to my suicide. Of course, I didn't plan on what it would really be like in there._

_Did you know that time doesn't pass in the speed force? While it was only six months for you, for me it was an eternity. Did you know that I was locked up in a speedster cage for an eternity? I had nothing but my own reflection and the sound of my own heartbeat to keep me company for an eternity, but you really didn't care about that, did you Iris? You didn't even want me back. You were perfectly happy with letting me rot there for an eternity. What kind of wife are you? So, let me get this straight, six months pass, and suddenly you're perfectly happy with leaving me in my own personal hell? Well, I hope you're happy Iris. Turn this tape over to find out why Jay Garrick is one of the reasons._ "

 

         Julian couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Iris not want to get her husband back from the speed force? Wasn't she supposed to love him?

 

Cassette 4: Side A

 

▶️

 

         " _Speaking of sacrifices, you know all about sacrifices don't you Jay? When you and I were going into the speed force to save Wally, I offered to take his place. I begged to take his place, but the speed force wasn't having it. I told you that we were all getting out of there, but no, you just had to take my place. You just had to stay behind and make me hate myself more than I already do. I wonder, what was your personal hell like? Guess I'll never get the chance to ask you that. Either way, I'm dead now. Depending on your religion, maybe I'll see you in the afterlife. Turn this tape over to see why Team Flash is one of the reasons._ "

 

         Julian stares in shock. How could the entirety of Team Flash be one of Barry's reasons? What could they have done?

 

Cassette 4: Side B

 

 

▶️

 

" _You know Team Flash, I've realized something. I've had a lot of time to think these past few days. When you're experiencing suicidal ideation, well you have a lot of things to think about. Want to know what I've realized? Barry Allen is nothing more than a pair of legs to you. Oops, did you catch that? Barry Allen is. Guess you can't say that anymore._

_The only reason you kept me around, was because I was useful to you. When Zoom broke my back, none of you cared about my feelings. All you did was push, push, push. You never cared that I was scared to face Zoom, you just kept pushing me towards that suit. Not that I expected you to care, of course. After all, it was you that tranquilized me like an animal when I was grieving and threw me in a cage instead of comforting me in my grief._

_When I created Flashpoint, I was finally happy. I had my parents back, I was happy, and then my memories started disappearing. I had to ask Eobard Thawne to kill my mother again, but did any of you care about that? Of course not. You were too busy chastising me for a simple mistake made in a moment of grief. Oh, and you want to know what the real kicker was? You encouraged me two years ago to go back and save my mom, but when I actually do it, I'm the bad guy? What the actual fuck?_

_Oh, and when the Dominators showed up, Cisco chose that exact moment to reveal my future self's message to intentionally turn everyone against me. Oh, and Cisco? You knew blooming well that it was a fucking drunk driver that killed your brother, not me. Also, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to make your own trip in time and cause a butterfly effect, but when I do the same thing I'm the bad guy? Go fuck yourself Cisco. You're a damn hypocrite._

_I knew you hated me, but when Killer Frost froze me, and you didn't even check to see if I was alright first, that pretty much confirmed it for me. Lastly, would it kill you to make some fucking pain killers, or hell, anesthesia even? One day I could've gotten injured enough that I might've needed surgery, and because you hadn't made it yet, I would have died during the operation. Well, I guess I don't have that to worry about anymore, being dead and all. I might go to hell for saying this, but I'm going to say it anyway: I hate you. I hate all of you. I hope you rot. Turn this tape over to see why Julian Albert is one of the reasons._ "

 

Julian's heart starts pounding. This is it, this is his tape. This is when he finds out how he caused Barry's suicide. His fingers thumb over the top of the cassette tape before he puts it in the tray.

 

Cassette 5: Side A

 

▶️

 

" _When was the last time you met someone new?_ "

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Barry starts talking about suicide in this chapter. If you're suicidal then please, please, please, please don't read this chapter.

_“When was the last time you met someone new? I met someone knew, when I created Flashpoint. Here I was in this new timeline, and I met someone new at work: Julian Albert. I remember how unfriendly you were at first. You had asked me if I knew why you didn’t like me and I had no clue. Now we eventually became close and you became my friend. You joined us at Team Flash and I was happy._

_Then Savitar showed up. Seeing myself so broken, so angry, well it was like looking in a mirror. I’ve been broken for a long time. I don’t think I’ve been whole since I was eleven. We defeated Savitar, but in doing so, the speed force needed a sacrifice. Naturally, I decided to be that sacrifice. Now I was already in hell mind you, but you know what really hurt Julian? Finding out that you had left for London while I was trapped in the speed force. I really thought you cared for me more than that. Ha, how stupid was I? Turn this tape over to find out why Lyla Diggle was one of the reasons.”_

Julian’s heart breaks at his words. Barry cared for him, and he never knew? Fuck.

Cassette 5: Side B

▶️

_“How many of you would do anything to save someone you love? How many of you would do anything if it meant they got to live? Come Flashpoint, I was at this stage. I was willing to do anything to save Iris. I had a plan. All I had to do was break into Argus with Leonard Snart, steal the Dominator’s tech, and viola! She was saved._

_You didn’t really care about that, did you Lyla? It was pretty obvious in the way that you were actively trying to stop me from saving my wife. Tell me Lyla, if it were Diggle’s life on the line, would you be actively trying to stop me from saving him? How does it feel? How does it feel knowing that you held her life in your hands that day, and by actively trying to stop me from saving her, you almost killed her? You just couldn’t let me do one good thing for the world, could you?_

_Why did you hate me so much? Why did you hate me so much that you actively tried to stop me from saving my wife’s life? How does it feel knowing that you are the reason why I took my own life? Turn this tape over to find out why David Singh is one of the reasons.”_

Julian blinks. How could Barry’s boss be one of the reasons why he took his own life?

Cassette 6: Side A

 

▶️

_“What would you do if you were accused of a crime you didn’t commit? Would you cry? Would you rant and rave? Would you try to prove your innocence? As you know, I was accused of murdering Clifford Devoe in cold blood. No one believed me. Hell, even my own boss didn’t believe me. David, can I call you David? You had always believed in me since I started working for the precinct, what changed? How could you believe that I could have done that?_

_The CCPD was the one place that I could feel normal. Could feel human again. Yes, you’re hearing it here people: I was a metahuman. Clifford Devoe is not who he says he is. That’s right, I said is. Clifford Devoe was never dead. Yes, his original body was dead, but he transferred his consciousness into new bodies. Of course, there’s no proof. He’d made sure of that. You see, I was the Flash. Out of all the people that I expected not to believe me, you captain, were not one of them. I had grown close to you when I worked at the CCPD._

_In fact, we were so close that I was working up the courage to tell you that I was the Flash. Heh. Guess that won’t happen now. What’s going to happen with my case after I die, I wonder? Will it be put in a drawer to collect dust? Will the case be dropped because I’m no longer alive?_

_Do not mourn for me. I am not a person that deserves to be mourned. Let’s face it, I was a coward. Instead of facing my problems, I took my own life. Turn this tape over to find out why Clifford Devoe was one of the reasons. Oh, and lucky number twelve? You can take these tapes straight to hell.”_

Julian listened to Barry’s words in shock. What the hell does he mean he doesn’t deserve to be mourned? _That’s too damn bad Allen because you’re going to be mourned whether you like it or not._

Cassette 6: Side B

 

▶️

_“Don’t give up on me now. There’s only two more people to go. I’m sorry. That’s an ironic thing to say. Don’t give up on me? Isn’t that exactly what I’m doing? Giving up on me? I’ve thought about all the ways that I’d kill myself._

_I’d visit Joe one day, claiming that I missed him. I’d take his gun from his safe, and I’d shoot myself in the head. No, I couldn’t do that to Joe. I couldn’t let him find me with a gun in my hand, and a bullet in my head._

_I’d thought about hanging, but the idea of my neck breaking after I slowly choked to death was less than ideal. Pills? My metabolism would just flush those out in seconds. I could’ve made it look like an accident by driving a car off the side of the road. The only problem being that I didn’t own a car._

_I could slice my radial artery. That would end everything in seconds. I could start a fire, and wait there until I burned to death. I’d probably be going to hell anyway if some religions are to be believed.”_


	5. Chapter 5

         “ _You know they say that drowning is one of the most peaceful ways to go? You just… go to sleep. There are a number of ways that I could drown of course. I could run into the nearest ocean I could find and stop swimming until the air gets out of my lungs. I could rent a boat, and paddle to the sea until the boat tips over and I couldn’t get back to shore. Dying peacefully does sound appealing._ ”

 

         Julian felt sick listening to this tape. Barry was listing all the ways that he could’ve killed himself.

 

“ _Have you ever stopped to think about time travel? More specifically, about what would happen if you killed yourself in the past? One theory suggests that time is linear, and as such killing yourself in the past would wipe you out of existence. Another theory suggests that time is malleable, meaning that it would only kill your past self. It wouldn’t hurt you._

_I decided against that idea. Truth be told, I was afraid of what would happen. I’d already fucked with time once, what would happen if I wiped myself out of existence? Did you know that I saved Oliver’s life with Rat Poison once? I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s true. I could inject Rat Poison into my veins, but somehow that didn’t seem adequate enough._

_I could intentionally get myself shot, but like I said, I didn’t want to be found with gunshot wounds in my body. I can’t get drunk, so alcohol poisoning was out of the question. I’d thought about electrocution, but how would I get electrocuted? Where would I get electrocuted?_

_I could do what Eliza did and fill myself so full of Velocity drugs that my body breaks down and the next time I go for a run I turn into dust. I could freeze to death, but how would I do that? I could phase my hand through my chest and crush my own heart. The only problem being that that would be a nasty mess to clean up. Well, there was always that cliff that Cisco took me to back when I was trying to get fast enough to defeat Zoom. You know, the one that Cisco used his drones to save me? Everyone thought that I had accidentally missed the jump, but the truth is: I intentionally missed the jump that day. By the time these tapes go out, I will have made my decision on how I was going to die._ ”

 

_You jumped off a cliff Allen. That’s the decision you made._ Julian thinks bitterly.

 

“ _Whew! That was a mouthful. Now you’re probably wondering, what could Clifford Devoe have done to not only make you take your own life, but tell him to go to hell? Sit down. Have a snack. Have a drink. Because you my dear little listeners, are in for a wild ride._ ”

 

❚❚

 

Julian pauses the tape. He needs to take a break. At least for a minute. How long has Barry been thinking about suicide? He must have been thinking about it a lot considering he listed all those ways that he could do it right off the bat. He had wondered why there was no note at the time, and now he wished he never knew. He sighs. He has to finish these tapes.

 

▶️

 

         “ _How many of you can say that you genuinely love your job? I imagine not many of you can. Well, I loved my job. All my life I’ve been chasing the impossible, never dreaming that I would become the impossible, and when I became the impossible, I put that to use at the CCPD. I’ve always wanted to help my dad, sure, but I wanted to help people too, and I could do that, both as Barry Allen, and the Flash. That is until Clifford Devoe framed me for murder. As you know, I went to prison after that. What you didn’t know was that I was innocent, just like my father. Clifford Devoe was never dead. Yes, his original body was dead, but his mind wasn’t. He’d transferred his consciousness into another body. Naturally, there was no proof. You made sure of that._

_Fuck you Clifford Devoe. You and your wife. Working for the CCPD was the job, and you fucked me over royally. Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy that you fucked me over? Are you living it up knowing that you are the number one reason why I took my own life?_

_I suppose my death has hit the news by now. What will the report say I wonder? CSI accused of murdering Clifford Devoe took his own life? I guess I’ll never know, being dead, and all._

_Did you know that some religions believe that if you commit suicide that you’re going to hell? Either way, I guess I’ll find out if that’s true or not. Maybe if I do go to hell, I’ll get to see you there. You ruined my life Clifford Devoe. I hope you know that. When I started writing my list, you were the first person I wrote down. I hated you that much. Hatred is a sin, I know that, but you know what? I’m too angry to care anymore. I lost my mom, I lost my dad, I lost my reputation, and now I lost my job._

_I’m done. After I record the last tape, I’ll be dead. I won’t change my mind. Turn this tape over to hear one last message from me._ ”

 

         Tears pour from Julian’s eyes. He doesn’t want to hear one last message from Barry. He wants Barry to be alive, not buried in the ground.

 

Cassette 7: Side A

 

 

▶️

 

         “ _Welcome back. If you’ve made it this far, then you’ve no doubt heard your tape by now. Unless one of you didn’t follow the rules and this was released to the public. If that’s the case, then hello. You’re hearing the words of a dead man._ ”

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

         “ _This tape goes out to everyone that was in my life. Why couldn’t you see that I was hurting? Why couldn’t you see that I was depressed? Why couldn’t you see that I needed you? Why didn’t you notice the signs that I was suicidal? Oh wait, I do know why. You didn’t care. You never have. If you did care, you would have noticed the obvious signs that I was suicidal._

_Like the fact that my mood had changed drastically. My lack of interest in musicals. The fact that I was purposely taking huge risks that I knew could kill me one day. The fact that I withdrew from you all, and you all failed to notice. Then there was the anger._

_The fact that I wasn’t sleeping as much as I used to. These were all signs that I wanted to take my own life, and none of you ever noticed. When my dad died, I walked down to a lawyer’s office to get a living will. Upon my death, Caitlin Snow would inherit Star Labs. I remember the conversation I had with the lawyer that day._

_“Hello Mr. Allen. May I ask what brings you here today?” The lawyer asks. I looked at him with a stoic expression before I answered._

_“I’m here because I want to make a living will.” I answered. He frowns._

_“May I ask why?” He asks. I shrugged._

_“I just want to be prepared in case anything happens.” I said. That was a white lie._

_“Understandable. So, what do you want it to say?” He asks._

_“Upon my death, Caitlin Snow is to inherit Star Labs.” I said. He nods as he writes it down in a notebook._

_“Is there… anything else?” He asks. I nod._

_“I want to be buried next to my father, Henry Allen.” I added. Again, he writes that down._

_“And what about material possessions? Your house, personal belongings? That sort of thing?” He asks. I didn’t know how to answer that. I hadn’t cared about my personal belongings in a long time._

_“Mr. Allen?” The man asks with concern when I didn’t say anything._

_“I have no preference. My family is free to do what they want with my personal possessions.” I finally answered. He frowns but writes it down anyway._

_“Is there… anything else?” He asks. I shook my head._

_“No. That’s all.” I answered._

_“Okay, well, it’s going to take some time to draw this up, but it should go into effect by the end of the week.” He says. I left with a smile. I felt great! I had all my legal affairs taken care of, so I was free to take my life at any time. You’re probably wondering by now why I decided to use Cassette tapes instead of oh say, an MP3 file. Well, you see, I wanted you to have to work to hear what I have to say._

_If you found a way to listen to these tapes, then, it shows that you really wanted to listen to what I have to say. I remember when I was told that I was on an indefinite leave from the CCPD. That was the final straw. That was what finally broke me. I walked into a music store, and I bought thirteen cassette tapes, as well as a tape recorder. That night, I went home, and I started making a list. Thirteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself. It wasn’t an easy list to make either. I really had to think of who specifically pushed me to do this._

_Once I finally made the list, I recorded these lovely tapes. I gave the copies to Quentin Lance with explicit instructions that if these tapes didn’t make it through all thirteen of you that these tapes were to be shared in a very public manner. After that, I mailed the tapes to Cisco Ramon, and started this whole thing. I’d made myself clear that I wanted to die, several times in fact, but none of you got the hint._

_None of you cared. None of you, and that my lovely little listeners, is the reason you received your tape. I wanted to be strong. I really did, but I couldn’t, and I’m sorry._ ”

 

         The recording clicks off after that, and Julian breaks down. These were the last words of Barry Allen. This was all that was left.

 

Cassette 7: Side B

 

▶️

 

The tape was silent for an eerie amount of time. Julian was beginning to wonder if Barry had left the recorder on until he finally hears an audible click come from the speakers.

 

“ _Thank you for listening, and goodbye._ ”

 

One sentence. There was exactly _one sentence_ on that tape. You can’t stop the future. You can’t rewind the past. The only way to learn the secret, is to press play. Julian grabs an envelope, filling it out with his and Lyla’s address before he puts the tapes inside a storage bag. Julian drives down to his local post office, and mails the tapes. A day passed since then, and Lyla receives a package on her porch. Curious as to what it could contain, she takes it inside, and places it on the table. Inside were thirteen cassette tapes, all numbered. She blinks when she sees a London address, and Julian Albert’s name on the envelope. The hell?

         Eventually she grabs her old Walkman, and starts listening to the tapes.

 

Cassette 1: Side A

▶️

          “ _Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Barry Allen here, live and in stereo. No, wait, don’t adjust your… whatever you’re hearing this on. That’s right, it’s me. I hope you’re ready, because I’m about to tell you my life story, more specifically, why my life ended, and if you’re listening to these tapes, then you’re one of the reasons why._ ”

         Lyla’s heart almost stops. No, this can’t be real. Barry Allen was dead.

“ _No, I won’t tell you what tape brings you into our lovely little story, that’s no fun. Instead, you get to hear the whole story. Don’t worry my little listener, if you received these tapes then your name will pop up, I promise. Now, why would a dead man lie? Aw, that sounds like a joke. Why would a dead man lie? Answer: because he can’t stand up. It’s okay, you can laugh. It was funny._ ”

 

 

 

 

        

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the last chapter! I hope you liked this story, and remember, you are not alone. Help is out there.
> 
> Albania 127
> 
> Algeria 0021 3983 2000 58
> 
> Argentina (054–011) 4758 2554
> 
> Australia 1–800–273–8255
> 
> Austria 142
> 
> Bahamas 328–0922 / 322–4999 /322–2763
> 
> Bahrain 0097 161 199 188/ 0097 161 199 260 / 0097 161 199 191 / 0097 161 199 334
> 
> Barbados (246) 42 99 999
> 
> Belgium 106
> 
> Bolivia 00 591 4 4 25 42 42
> 
> Bostwana 3911270
> 
> Brazil +55 51 211 2888
> 
> Canada 514–723–4000
> 
> China 0800–810–1117
> 
> Colombia (00 57 5) 372 27 27
> 
> Costa Rica 506–253–5439
> 
> Croatia (01) 4833–888
> 
> Cuba 532 348 14 49
> 
> Cyprus +357 77 77 72 67
> 
> Denmark +45 70 201 20
> 
> Ecuador 593 2 6000 477
> 
> Eqypt 762 1602/3
> 
> Estonia 126 /127
> 
> Fiji (0679) 670565
> 
> Finland 040–5032199
> 
> France +33 951 11 61 30
> 
> Germany 0800 1110 222
> 
> Ghana 233 244 846 701
> 
> Greece 1018
> 
> Guatemala 1–800–999–9999
> 
> Guyana +592 223–0001, 223–0009, 600–7896, 623–4444
> 
> Honduras (00 504) 2558 08 08 /2232–1314
> 
> Hong Kong 2389 2222 /2382 0000
> 
> Hungary (46) 323 888
> 
> India 2549 7777
> 
> Iran 1480
> 
> Israel 1201
> 
> Italy 800 86 00 22
> 
> Jamaica 930–1152 / 1–888–429-KARE (5273)
> 
> Japan +81 (0) 3 5286 9090
> 
> Kenya +254 20 300 0378/205 1323
> 
> Latvia 371 67222922
> 
> Liberia 06534308 –
> 
> Lithuania 8–800 2 8888
> 
> Luxembourg 454545
> 
> Malaysia (063) 928 500 39
> 
> Malta 179
> 
> Mauritius 46 48 889
> 
> Mexico 525–510–2550
> 
> Namibia 61–232–221
> 
> Netherlands 0900–113 0 113
> 
> New Zealand 0800 543 354
> 
> Nicaragua 2311–7361
> 
> Norway +47 815 33 300
> 
> Papua New Guinea 675 326 0011 (Daytime only)
> 
> Peru (00 51 1) 273 8026
> 
> Philippines (02) 8969191 /893 7606
> 
> Poland 52 70 000 /52 70 988
> 
> Portugal (+351) 225 50 60 70
> 
> Russia 007 (8202) 577–577
> 
> Samoa 32000
> 
> Serbia 037 23 025
> 
> Singapore 1800 221 4444
> 
> South Africa 0861 322 322
> 
> South Korea (02) 715 8600
> 
> Spain 0145 900 50
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> Sri Lanka 011 057 2222662
> 
> St. Vincent (784) 456 1044
> 
> Sudan (249) 11–555–253
> 
> Sweden (46) 31 711 2400
> 
> Switzerland 143  
> suicide prevention
> 
> Thailand (02) 713–6793
> 
> Tonga 23000 /25144
> 
> Trinidad & Tobago (868) 645 2800
> 
> Turkey 182
> 
> UK & Ireland +44 8457 90 90 90
> 
> Ukraine 058
> 
> USA 1–800–273-TALK(8255)
> 
> United States Crisis Text Line If you are immediately concerned about  
> yourself or a friend, reach out for help: TEXT: 741741 http://www.crisistextline.org/
> 
> Venezuela 0241–8433308
> 
> Zimbabwe (9) 650 00

**Author's Note:**

> I promise you, help is out there. Please, talk to someone.  
> Talk to someone  
> https://pastebin.com/9awVR16d


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